Death to Comparisons and Jumping into the Deepend

I've been slacking in the writing, but I have not been slacking in the Yoga department.



Comparison: What I want, what I can.

One thing my yoga practice has brought into clear resolution is the tendency to compare. To compare everything; how am I doing against the video, how am I doing compared to the person next to me in class.  Comparing the clothes I'm wearing, the food I'm eating, the life I'm living, and so on and so on.  BUT I'm done with it....(with exception to these last photos posted) At least I'm saying that... if I can catch my brain before the next compare happens.

Sometimes it sounds like  Yoga-Speak, because it is, BUT its a recurring theme that you will hear in class, on a video, someone will say, to "Keep your focus on your practice". Don't worry about what someone else is doing, its your journey... etc etc." It's 100% true, and the ego wants me to be Luke Skywalker with Yoda balanced on my foot, but Star Wars is not quite my yoga-reality.  Crazy as this may sound, it's not wise to be delusional.  You'll either deceive yourself, deceive others, get hurt, or all three. You need to push into what is possible, but not injure or hurt!  Constantly comparing has become an all encompassing ill of society, and I've decided to drop out!

Comparison: How I want my hips to be...and how they are!

So I got even more bold.  I went out to another yoga studio and took a Heated Vinyasa Yoga Class.  It was at Invoke Studio at 86th and Ditch. http://invokestudio.com/   Despite walking in like a GIANT fish out of water,  I was welcomed and given a quick tour by Amy, the owner... which was good, cause I might have ended up hiding out in a Chiropractors room.  When I initially went to do group yoga, it was at 5:30 in the morning... that right there cuts down the possibilities of too high of an attendance.  But this class was at 7:00 pm on a Wednesday, primetime!   Even though I was there early, I walked into the 90 + degree room, and the back of the class was FULL.  Only spot was right up front! So nothing to do but roll out my mat right in the front and prepare.  The instructor got us settled in and and suggested that we release the "apprehension we may have about tonight's practice", which lead me to more apprehension. But we quickly got up to speed, Rag doll, cobra, down dog, the progressions combined with the hot humid room, turned me into a pool of sweat. You could say, I maybe was a little in the deep end but I gutted it out.  In 20 years, that one session, was the only experience I have ever had that was reminiscent of a wrestling practice.  (Just no other guys trying to grab your legs, which is a good thing) Sometimes, I look at the running training I do... and laugh at myself thinking about how that 17 year old kid would laugh at this fat bastard trying to stretch out.  Perspective sucks! This was one of those times.  But it was completely invigorating.  Like my first thought was when will I be back for more heat! Yoga's either getting into me, or I'm just a glutton for physical punishment!



I remember when this was the warm-up.  Damn

In the end, that mantra of minding your own personal space, yada yada yada, really holds true.  Frankly, if you CAN concentrate on something else other than that class, you're probably insane!;-) It finally ended, everyone gathered up their stuff, cleaned up and headed on there way. No judgement, no funny looks, it was cool! The best way to describe it, is having that slightly groggy, beat-up feeling after a massage, knowing you're going to feel awesome in a little bit, however, the massage just happened with 25 other people all trying to walk out one hallway.  I took another class at Invoke called Yin Yoga, basically you go slower through poses....much slower.... like 3 to 5 minutes.  And its not the easy ones, like child's pose, or corpse pose.  No... its big stretch poses, for someone with super tight quads.  At one point we did something that would look similar to the old hurdler stretch you remember from gym class. (Reclining Half hero)  Now you have to keep in mind over the course of my athletic career, I've sprained my left ankle at least 10 times.  Mostly happening in tennis, I think I spent the spring of my senior year in an air cast while playing.  And its only progressed as I got into this crazy running thing.  So lets just say that ankle has next to zero mobility.  If you look at the demo picture above, you'll see that ankle tucked in there pretty good.  Well, with the help of a cushion behind my back I got in position.  Lets just say, I could "feel" the fiery white light of God  bursting from that joint!  I've never breathed so seriously in my life.  Nothing to say, but I moved myself through some uncomfortableness... and that's growth! One day I'm going to look like that picture! DAMN... another comparison!!!

Side notes:



The Yogi of In-N-Out Burger

Physical:  Its hard to take full inventory of how things are going.  My running is really ramping up, so its hard to gauge, but I think the yoga is making recovery a little more progressive. Core is definitely getting stronger.  Anything I have to do where I support all my weight on one limb... arm, leg, I suck.  Still needs some serious work.  Weight wise, I'm down about 12 lbs. from Christmas.  So all in all, still good progress.

Mental:  Granted its the time of year where my work picks up, so again, probably reading a little too much into it, but concentration is better as well as creative energy.   I think I'm listening to others better, again, probably my own bs thought, but sometimes I sense myself trying to hone in a little better.  So, we'll take it.

Spiritual:  Other than the light of Christ emanating out of my jacked up ankle, the physical yoga practice seems to quiet everything down.  And as Lori mentioned one day, a main intent of yoga is to be able to "sit"/ meditate/pray for extended periods of time.  I find my ability to stay still has expanded. 

Until next time...

 

When the student is ready the teacher appears. - Tao Te Ching (maybe)

I went into this yoga thing thinking that for a while it would be a "Do it Yourself" project.  That maybe a few months in I would spring for a class just to see what it was all about. But the opportunity has presented itself much sooner.  January 22nd was the day I officially  gave in and had to find a treadmill to run on. So that day, I went and signed us up for the Riviera Swim Club.  We belonged when we last lived here and it was something we were going to do anyway... so I took the  plunge to have access to indoor running. Well, one of the new benefits of the club is FREE fitness classes.  And it just so happens there are a handful of yoga classes in the listing.  How fortuitous, 'cause me and FREE go way back.

So after a week of deliberation, I mustered up the courage to wake up at 4:30 to get my coffee intake in for the 5:30 class.

Clinging in my Heights wrestling security blanket

 As I sat in my car waiting to go in... there were more than 10 split seconds that I almost kicked the car back into D and headed back to my beloved Ipad Netflix documentary habit.  Alas, I put on my big boy pants and headed up to the room.  There's a quick dualistic thought, as I see a familiar face. Lori Bisser is teaching the class. Lori goes to our church, and Maggie and her daughter were in the same kindergarten class.   There is the quick thought of  "Oh, No... I know someone"... so being the "anonymous, silent, big guy slinking into the room" ploy is dissolved. But there is also the great relief... that I am not about to be instructed by a complete stranger, helps me quickly relax!

It was a great hour!  To be in person, not squinting watching a tablet, hearing someone's voice directed at you with subtle reminders of how an asana/pose should be, began to demystify what I have been doing. Almost a confidence builder, to know you might be getting it!  AND along with the meditative, relaxation benefits, Lori put us through a great workout.  I had to wipe the sweat off of my company issued mat!

Its not blurry, its just 5:30!

I've now been to another class, where we did inversions!  Some headstands,(Sirsha-asana) which I like to think I did with a modicum of success.  (My feet were in the air) All in all, the progress I have made just in taking that one big step, swallowing the fear of utter humiliation...was big.  I am on the path of Yogi -er. 

Quick Bullets:
Physical: The hip feels great.  I don't wake up with it as tight as it usually is... and I think my core is getting stronger. I always say, I don't like working my core cause it makes my fat stick out... but hopefully we can start burning some of it off... Still need to loose 11 lbs.

Mental:  I feel more relaxed most of the day... sometimes too relaxed.  But we'll find the middle way. I like to think when I yell at the kids... I'm doing it softer... but that's probably just in my mind.

Spiritual: At times I can be a pretty devout rosary prayer.  If you don't know, it's basically a string of beads with a cross on it, that is used as a tool to say a sequence of prayers.  Typically, its something that people usually think of being in the realm of little old ladies... like my grandmother, but what those of us who give it a try find out... is that those little old ladies are utilizing one of the best forms of "spiritual technology" ever devised. If you look at other traditions, Buddhism, Hinduism, they all have a form of beads to recite prayers with.  The wisdom in this, that we don't realize, is in using the tactile instrument, we occupy and quiet the left side of the brain.  Its impossible to analyze when you have given your processing brain a task to complete. It really is ancient brilliance.  I believe a hatha yoga practice, (the physical activity) act  like a physical rosary.  I've noticed the same feeling of "calm abiding" that you get after extended prayer, achieved after yoga.  its pretty cool!

Until next time.... here's a little kirtan, (a call-and-response chanting performed in India's bhakti devotional traditions)  produced by my favorite Beatle (Geroge Harrison) at Abbey... I kinda dig it, and its been played at Manchester United futbol matches... so that adds a layer of societal vindication! Until next time....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVMgEupff-E

"Listen to the Wisdom of your Body"

Sound advice, unless like me, your body is an idiotic teenager!  Another week of plunging into my yoga practice, and lets cut to the chase.

The Current Benefits:

1. I can walk down stairs in the morning with out sharp pain in my legs joints and everywhere else where pain is possible.  It's like I have created space between all my vertebrae and my joints. Its amazing how much better your mood  can be, when you aren't thinking about little nags here and there.  Specifically the right hip and sciatic nerve. While I still know its there.  The constant sharp pain has been dismissed.  And when running, the only thing I think about is how I'm not feeling any pain there. 
2. Concentration: I notice my ADD is relaxing a bit.  While never finding the need for a diagnosis. My attention span can be pretty shoddy.   Though still not easy, I find my mind not wandering as bad as it usually likes to!
3. Breathing:  I don't know if anyone else has ever found themselves doing this... but in many things, moving furniture, cooking, putting away your laundry any menial task... I catch my self not breathing, and I usually realize it when my head turns read and I quickly catch my breath.  Yoga focuses on the breath, and I find myself becoming an average breather, which is a drastic improvement.
4. Now this could just be psychosomatic, but I am snacking less... and even if I do break down for a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch... its not 3 bowls, as I was prone to do. Could this be the yoga, helping with well being, boredom, stress... all the things that lead to my binge eating... maybe!



WARNING!



We are companions on the journey, just a different point on the path!

Onto how the practice is looking.  I have been feeling a little frisky, and wanted to up the ante a little.... you know,  see how the old body is doing... push the limitation a little.  So I searched my YouTube for "Advanced Ashtanga yoga".  Bold move.  And I found exactly what I was looking for... which I should not have been.  TROUBLE! I got this "ashtanga" term from the documentary I've been watching, which featured this guy, Pattabhi Jois.  He's one of the teachers that helped bring about the modern yoga practice.  More on this another day.  Many of the videos are long and advanced, so I picked out the 28 minute one... and am greeted by this picture. Some may take heed of the warning.  Me? Nah!  Lets see how bad it is!   Well here it is.   Not pretty... but I'm giving myself an "A" for effort.  Please don't be too concerned.  For the most part I am keeping it safe, and at a beginner level, but every now and then it's nice to see where the limits are.  Touching my head with my foot was about it.  BUT its very exciting to think of my possibilities of turning myself into a human super pretzel.  This was a really great 28 minute workout, where I was pooled in sweat. And thankfully, all accomplished in the privacy of my home! (No need to scare anyone.) What was even more interesting was that, is I wanted to keep going for another 10 minutes.  So  I literally looked up "Gentle Standing Yoga".  I needed to make myself clear to YouTube what I was looking for.  And it delivered.   The instructors great line of the class, was "listen to the wisdom of your body."  I had to laugh as clearly this sounded like a call to caution... yet, the wisdom of my body seems to think I'm much more capable than current reality would suggest.  But its my path... so its all good! 

Until next time....

 

 

The Yoga Dad DIY Project

I guess I actually am one for New Year's resolutions, because I'm making one.  A 365 day project, in which I embark on a year of yoga!  I know this sounds semi-ludicrous, but don't worry by the end of the page it will make sense. (Maybe)
 
 
The Approach:
 
The Who:  I, Kevin Fine, of somewhat sound mind am embarking on a year long journey into Yoga.  I will document my trek towards...wherever, here on my blog, and through other exciting social media outlets.    

Working on our Breathing



The What: I'm currently following along with You-Tube videos for the actual exercise/spiritual practice.  Its important to recognize that the nature of yoga is much more than getting nice abs, improving flexibility and wearing hemp clothing! I'll also be reading books, watching documentaries and, who knows... may venture into a class at some point.  The idea is to garner as much information as possible over the course of the year, through as many sources as possible. Call it learning!
 
The When: Over the last 2 weeks I've followed along my videos about 5 days each week. Thank Krishna for IPads, otherwise this idea would not take flight.  Its so easy, I can start a practice, any time of day, any where.  Though I do have a couple yoga mats, they're packed away from the move and there is no telling where they are.  Instead I currently use our nice new rug... from India, how perfect.  I like the idea of practicing on the good natural fibers, as opposed to some mass produced poly mat.    
 
The How: I'll be honest, I'm cheap and I have a running habit to pay for as well.  So I am going to be mooching off the internet for as much information I can.  But take heart, I have been praying for the teacher's whose classes I have been watching, that tenfold the number of paying patrons arrive at their door.  So they have that going for them, which is nice.  
 

Variation on Child's Pose

I am going into this with as little preconceived notions as possible. I have no goals, only to see where a yoga practice will take me, mentally, physically and spiritually.  And considering it is my path, it should be mildly humorous, adventurous, challenging and a little fun!
 
The Why:
The Reasons
 

• Persistent Pain: I've had a jacked up right hip, vaguely diagnosed as a Psuedo-Sciatic Episode.  Basically, the nerve that runs up and down my right side, fires painfully from time to time.  Sometimes it gets stuck in the "pain" position. The only relief I've had over the last year was to perform a series of stretches.  And it just so happens a yoga sequence I found on-line has done the best job. I'm wondering what could a year of this do for me physically?

 

• I need to do some sort of cross training to help with my above mentioned running habit.  My core is a weak piece of shit, and I just never was big with weight training.  Much the downfall of my wrestling career, but I just never enjoyed going to the gym, moving weight around... but breathing and cool stretchy moves? Why not!

 

My right foot got straight just bad photo timing!



• Yoga appeals to my spiritual sensibilities.  You may not get this from me at first glance, but I've probably done enough reading for a minor in theology. Eastern Spirituality brings a whole different perspective to the great questions of the unknown. And just from a quick internet search of "Yoga" you see that spirituality is intertwined.   I'm interested and want to learn more. I plan on documenting the things I find useful, points of growth, improvement and other odd happenings.

 
Documentary of the Week:
Breath of the Gods- A Journey to the Origins of Modern Yoga.  by Jan Schmidt-Garre   
This film probably gave me the idea for this.  What would happen if some middle aged... kinda big guy decided to try his hand at Yoga?   
  
 
 
 
 
 
Book of the Week: The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali - Translation and Commentary by Sri Swami Satchidananda  
 
 
 And finally I leave you with the Quote of the Week....

"Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my lifemoves". - Nisargadatta Maharaj

                                            

Until next time...